livia-carica:

AtlinMerrick challenged me to write a short fic about the names that John calls Sherlock, to go with her fic about what Sherlock calls John. Mine is below…

John Watson has in his own modest mind palace a whole suite dedicated to the names he associates with Sherlock Holmes, all of which vary in length, social acceptability, and meaning. Situations in which these words may be employed include: Finding something untoward  in the fridge that was once possibly attached to and/or contained inside a human being, right next to the leftovers of the lamb rogan josh that John had been planning on having for lunch; being abandoned in the middle of a less than savoury housing estate somewhere possibly near Brixton facing down a large, brutish man called “Shirl” ; or in more pleasant circumstances, such as arriving home to find said flatmate sprawled over the couch, pert, rounded arse angled artfully towards the door, eyebrow raised in wanton invitation. Examples include: 

The “Bastard”: The most frequently used of John’s appellations for his flatmate, The Bastard is flexible, fits many situations and volumes, and is therefore the allrounder of John’s far more colourful Sherlock related vocabulary.  

The “Cocksucker”: This one speaks for itself. Or not, depending on how full its mouth is. 

 The “Fucker”:See above. It is to be noted that most of the names John has for Sherlock are of dual usage in situations of extreme anger or the throes of a blisteringly good rogering. John is a man of few words, most of which are obscene, so it only makes sense that those at his disposal be recyclable.  

The Mumble: For use in the more public situations to avoid the hearing of others, The Mumble usually contains a string of inventive euphemisms for male and female genitalia, sex acts, gratuitously violent acts of revenge and in one memorable incident, which occurred as John hovered on the dawnlit cusp of wakefulness, a partial description of just how hard he was going to take Sherlock…. show him who’s boss…. break the damn chair.  

The “My Love”: Distinctive, singular and notable both for its purity of sentiment and for the fact that not once has it been used in anger. Rather the opposite, in fact. Sherlock’s secret favourite for obvious reasons. 

 “The Most Human Human Being” :  A rare creature, uttered only once.